As the weeks rolled on we started to relax about what was to come and was getting excited for our baby to arrive, we were offered meetings with the family so they could understand what was going to happen and explain what our baby would look like, but we decided to take the lead and explained to everyone. My emotions were all over the place yes pregnant and hormonal but grieving for the baby with the cute rose lips and button nose that I knew my baby wouldn’t have. I always hated when people said to me why are you worrying and it can be fixed, yes they are right but all my other friends/family had babies with normal facial features and more importantly didn’t have to have surgery at 3 months!!! I know there are worse surgeries/illnesses but this shattered my world my first baby and I didn’t know where to turn.
I started speaking to CLAPA they were always there, we were offered so much help and from a charity that is only run by a few people in London of which has spurred me on this year to run The Royal Parks Half Marathon for them. I have to give back what they had given me support, advise and an ear to bend when I was feeling low.
I had bought all the bottles I needed from CLAPA they were squeezy bottles with a teat to fill the cleft, they supplied the first few for free then you paid for the rest and man alive I made sure I was well stocked, only issues was they never fit in the steamer so back to the olden times and boiled in a saucepan hahaha.
I was in communication with Cambridge Cleft team every week and Anne Moss a consultant from Hinchingbrooke of whom wanted to be involved and kept informed as and when I was to go into labour, she was a wonderful lady who when she spoke had a calming/reassuring nature – sure that is her job but it was much more than that. When I was first told the news at Hinchingbrooke they asked my why I would be so upset, I remember snapping and saying my baby has to have surgery at only 3 months how would you like it! Appearances have never mattered to me and I already began to feel so much love and protection for my baby.
At each scan we got to see our cleft baby we never decided to find out the sex we wanted to keep this a surprise although I was convinced I knew what I was having ‘a boy’ or was it? I remember laying on the bed yet again and consultants surrounding me to gain the extent of the cleft and then all of a sudden you saw a tongue pop out (bear in mind this was 4d) I had never giggled so much and then all you saw was a hand a speak to the hand moment I think my baby had enough of being looked at, poked and pushed around we just wanted to be normal and left alone…….